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Warning Signs

What are the warning signs of Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence facts present a pattern of abuse common to many abusive relationships. The abuse can seem to begin without warning, but there are usually “red flags” that precede physical violence even during the early phases of the relationship. Let’s review some common “red flags” that may be present before any physical violence occurs:

The abuser becomes filled with rage over seemingly unimportant events, like his partner arriving later than expected or his clothes not being ironed to his liking.
The abuser verbally degrades his victim, gradually destroying her self-esteem. She comes to believe that she is worthless and that no one else would want to be with her and that the abuse is somehow her fault.
The abuser prefers to isolate her from anyone but himself and discourages her from seeking out time with friends, family or co-workers. The notion that “he wants her all to himself” may seem romantic at first, but it quickly becomes obsessive and unhealthy. She may even be required to receive permission from her abuser to leave the home at all. As the abuse escalates, she may be embarrassed to be around other people, fearful that they’ll see the reality of her situation.
The abuser can exercise extreme financial control over her, so that she lacks the financial means to support herself outside of the abusive relationship.
The abuser is often extremely jealous and assumes that she is being unfaithful to him. He may search obsessively for evidence of this unfaithfulness and, if he doesn’t find any, fabricate his own evidence.
The abuser blames everyone but himself for his problems. Nothing is his fault; he blames his abusive tendencies on his upbringing or his stressful job or his addictions or just that he had a bad day. Often, he tells his victim that it’s her fault that he abuses her. He may assert that he cannot control his anger, but he is skilled enough to be calm and collected around other people or law enforcement authorities. There simply are no excuses for abusive behavior.
His victim lives in fear, something that no one should have to do. She learns to watch every step she makes, doing anything to avoid angering her abuser. But because his outbursts are about his desire for control, not her behavior, she can never be “good enough” to avoid angering him.
He looks for reasons to distrust her and is always suspicious of her intentions.

Once physical abuse begins, his victim often lies about the injuries, offering one accident explanation after another. Over time, the abuser becomes skilled at harming his victim in places where bruises and marks will not be apparent to others. Basically, he becomes an expert in torture.

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